There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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