what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
