im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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