If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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