She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
