i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
that's an acceptable place to lick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
