totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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