Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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