You made me cry and you don't even care
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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