Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize