Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
