my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
