You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a beard to bite.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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