That's when you crack a 10am beer
My balls are so social today.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
