I got chris browned last night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize