just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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