i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
