So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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