I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize