who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
