I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
