3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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