even my farts smell like vagina
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
