Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
