that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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