she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
