Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
