What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize