ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
