i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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