Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
