it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
