u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
