I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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