Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize