Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
