I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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