In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
