i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
