Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
