Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
