I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
