mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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