Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I think people are normalizing furries
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
