road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
