At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
