I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
