dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
