I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
