I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
