So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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