At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
