tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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