I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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