I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
