Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
