Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
