she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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