guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
where am i from again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
