You can't special order awesome
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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