I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
