i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
