Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
