Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
