I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize