I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
