There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
