You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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