i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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