If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
