Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
