rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
