Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
