Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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