Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
