The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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