are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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