I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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