Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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